Mixed Thoughts

It is the last morning that I will wake up in Cape Town; I’m having mixed feelings about coming home. I can’t quite articulate them yet so I will start with telling you about my last full day and night here in South Africa. Our last class was completely enjoyable, yet parts of it didn’t ease my fears in coming home. My instructor told us about the St. Thomas group that was here in January studying for a J-term class. They had a very difficult time assimilating into life back here in the states. When they came home, they started their spring semester and could be seen in their common areas flocking together as often as possible. He said that they just looked despondent. Now, he didn’t say this to scare us but rather to prepare us for the all too real reality of the situation. Because we want to make sure that we never forget our experiences here in Cape Town and in Gugulethu, we’ll want to try and live our lives with new intentions of preserving the culture here in our lives at home. However, we are all aware of the fact that we are busy college students with hectic lives back in the states; it’s easy to fall back into a routine that is comfortable and familiar. I never want to forget what I have learned here for several reasons. I feel as though I’ve grown up a lot here, like I’ve developed a new sense of independence; it’s different and I can’t explain it. I feel that I have a new definition of what love and community can be if only you make it that way. I’ve felt that love can be shown in an entire new yet simple way. I’ve learned that communities can be life bond. But most of all, I have learned that for what I think I know at this point in my life, I really know nothing. I am still developing personal definitions for words like interest, passion, love, community, kindness, spirituality, and more. And that’s okay. I know that my past few entries in this blog probably haven’t made a ton of sense, but it’s because I’m still not sure what’s going on in my brain. I feel like I have a new slice of global perspective but to further decide how it will affect my life in the states, I will actually have to be at home in Minnesota. No one ever said it was going to be easy; actually, I know that I will probably have a difficult time adjusting to life back at home and while I am totally scared for it… I’ve learned for the first time how to allow myself to be vulnerable and open to change. I don’t know when I’ll figure it out or if there is anything to figure out, and that’s okay.

So here’s what I want you to get away from my experience thus far:

- I will be able to speak about “South Africa upon returning from home not Africa.” The countries on this continent are so diverse that you really can’t lump them into one cohesive conversation.

- Poverty in America and poverty in South Africa are on two entirely different plains. Neither is worse than the other but the fact of the matter is that they are both very real.

- Passion for my future work in the world is something I strive for. I truly believe that it is the passion that one has for his or her work that inspires others to follow.

- As people, we are different. We have different hair colors and types, different shapes, different races, different cultures, different traditions, different lifestyles, different ways of worship, different families, and many other differences. But when it comes down to it, people are inherently the same. We laugh and love in the same way; I personally know that it can be felt through each other by simply being emotionally present. We are the same on the bigger and more important ideals of what makes us human. We may interpret pain and happiness in different contexts but as humans we feel in the same way. The next time I think that someone is soooo different from me, I will re-evaluate my thoughts. We live in a global community, and it’s time that we realize that we need each other to conduct a productive future.

- HIV/AIDS is not Africa’s problem; it’s our problem. When people don’t have access to the medication they could have because it’s not accessible, not available in enough different types, not accepted… it makes it our problem. When people are afraid to get help for fear of discrimination or stigma, it is our problem. HIV/AIDS affects us all whether or not we have it or know someone who does. And if we don’t know anyone who is infected, it is still our problem.

Once again, thanks so much for coming with me on this journey. I have appreciated all of your comments and support just by reading. Now, I’m off to take the 30 hour flight home to Minnesota. See you all soon!