Inconsistency.... It’s the only consistency we have.

[Today caused me to think a lot about myself at the core. I’m still a work in progress… as you will be able to tell by this entry.]

It’s funny how we are able to settle into a familiar routine. For example, today we had class and then dispersed to our own excursions. For me, these consisted of touring the Jewish Holocaust museum and finishing up some last minute shopping with a couple of my better friends from the trip. Clearly, I didn’t need what I bought today. It was my last opportunity to be a “tourist.” And now that I think about it, I’m feeling a little guilty. It’s almost like last week never happened. That’s why it’s so important for me to take what I have learned through my hands-on experience and make it applicable in my life in Minnesota.

Speaking of what I have learned, class today was challenging to say the least. It was all about leadership for the common good (applicable considering it is the name of the text we are using). We got to talking about what our capabilities are in certain areas of leadership. To me, this was pretty difficult. When we declare what our capabilities are, it’s almost daunting. It’s like being fearful of success. And while I know that I strive for success in all the goals I have set for myself, determining what capabilities would get me there scared me. It made me realize that one day I will be successful. I think it scared me to think “what will I do afterwards?” Then again, there are multiple facets of success too. I feel like I have this surreal picture of what success will be that I really don’t know what it is anymore. And I’m not sure why this class has brought that up for me, but I am glad that it did. It’s just another thing for me to re-evaluate when I get home.

Another main topic that was discussed today was the concept of “passion” and passion versus interest. For a simplified example, I have an interest in shoes, but it’s not my passion. The discussion got really heated on how to define passion and why couldn’t it be this or that or why wasn’t it this or that. I must say I was into it too. And then my roommate Nichole said something that brought it back down to earth earlier this evening; she said that each person has his or her own definition for something as abstract as the word passion… why argue? I think it is healthy to argue and discuss things. But with something like passion... to each his or her own. Right now, I am just having a hard time finding the line between core values and passion. Because I would like to think that I value family, but that family is also my passion as well. Make sense? I don’t even know anymore. I really don’t like struggling… who does? But I am glad that we are taking the time to talk about this. I feel that this trip has been a big stride in personal growth. And defining concepts like values, passion, interest, and leadership are important to making sure that I am on a positive path in life that I want to be on. Things like this are supposed to change and evolve with time. In fact, it’s probably one of the only things that we can rely on…. Change is a given. So all of these things are meant to change. I’m just having a problem figuring out from where things are supposed to change. I need a starting point. For me, passion is something that I wouldn’t compromise. I have it. I know it. That’s all she wrote.